I didn't want to look, I stood against the wall. My legs trembled.
Jeremy was ahead of me. Uncle Dave held him under his arm. When Jeremy looked inside the casket, he started talking to Dad, lying there, pail, and weak. Dad was strong, fearless, I can't bare to see him in there, motionless, unable to help us, or ride me on his motorbike, or carry me on his shoulders.
Mom's still in the hospital, in ICU. I see her everyday. Nam swears Mom is going to wake up soon. She keeps sneaking plant medicine in, without the doctors suspecting.
Namma nudged me, but I wouldn't budge, not until she took my hand and lead me over to the casket.
Dad's face was drained of all life. I couldn't stand to see him like this, all padded up and wearing a fancy jacket. He always wore his leather jacket. Always. Why couldn't they leave his leather jacket on? Then I realized it was probably destroyed in the accident. I ran to Jeremy and hugged him, and we both cried together.
I'm glad Uncle Dave gave me this book to write in. I can scream everything in here too. I want my Dad back. DAD!!! DAD!! You can't leave us!
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Sunday, July 10, 2011
May 20, 1993
I'm not sure who I'm writing this for. Maybe writing will help me feel better, like Uncle Dave told me. He bought this book in the lobby after rushing to meet us at the hospital.
He says mom's going to take time to recover in intensive care and me and Jeremy are going to move in with him for awhile back in Pine Crest.
That's where mom's from and where Nam still lives.
It's very different there, it's not a city, like where we are now--it's not like New York, but there are tall buildings and crowds of people rushing to work or rushing home.
Going back to the fresh air of Pine Crest might help Jeremy. He's only four. I'm not sure he even understands what's happened. But he keeps crying for Mom & Dad. I haven't been able to cry yet.
Maybe it's not real. Like he's not really dead. As if it didn't really happen. Dad never crashed with Mom on the back of his motorcycle and that truck never hit them. Doesn't feel like it really happened. Jeremy doesn't stop crying. I'm glad Uncle Dave can make him feel a little better. The animals on his farm help. Jeremy loves the animals SO much, almost more than I do. Almost. Ok, barely. We both LOVE Uncle Dave's horses, and chickens-- he even has a llama.
It will be nice to spend time with Nam again. We used to live in Pine Crest, until I was five; until Dad's job brought us here to Princeberg.
Pine Crest has fresh air and Uncle Dave's farm. Even Nam has a garden. She makes almost everything by hand. I'll be 9 on June 30 --she says I'm ready to learn big girl stuff. I miss Nam so much. She likes to show me all the plants growing in the woods that she makes medicine with, and the plants growing wild that we can eat. Mom's going to need a special medicine while she's in the hospital, Namma says.
I miss Dad. It's been over a month since the accident. Uncle Dave says it may take a little time for the crying to begin. It's a numb feeling, in my heart. I don't know which way to go. Mom will get better, she's getting stronger every day. Nam keeps sneaking plant medicine in to Mom's drinks without the doctors seeing. She says it'll speed her healing. Nam wants to teach me about plant medicine, but not to tell Mom. Mom doesn't believe in plant medicine.
Sometimes I feel like it's not over between me and Dad-- like we will meet again. Strange, right?
Uncle Dave is coming.
Abegale signing off
He says mom's going to take time to recover in intensive care and me and Jeremy are going to move in with him for awhile back in Pine Crest.
That's where mom's from and where Nam still lives.
It's very different there, it's not a city, like where we are now--it's not like New York, but there are tall buildings and crowds of people rushing to work or rushing home.
Going back to the fresh air of Pine Crest might help Jeremy. He's only four. I'm not sure he even understands what's happened. But he keeps crying for Mom & Dad. I haven't been able to cry yet.
Maybe it's not real. Like he's not really dead. As if it didn't really happen. Dad never crashed with Mom on the back of his motorcycle and that truck never hit them. Doesn't feel like it really happened. Jeremy doesn't stop crying. I'm glad Uncle Dave can make him feel a little better. The animals on his farm help. Jeremy loves the animals SO much, almost more than I do. Almost. Ok, barely. We both LOVE Uncle Dave's horses, and chickens-- he even has a llama.
It will be nice to spend time with Nam again. We used to live in Pine Crest, until I was five; until Dad's job brought us here to Princeberg.
Pine Crest has fresh air and Uncle Dave's farm. Even Nam has a garden. She makes almost everything by hand. I'll be 9 on June 30 --she says I'm ready to learn big girl stuff. I miss Nam so much. She likes to show me all the plants growing in the woods that she makes medicine with, and the plants growing wild that we can eat. Mom's going to need a special medicine while she's in the hospital, Namma says.
I miss Dad. It's been over a month since the accident. Uncle Dave says it may take a little time for the crying to begin. It's a numb feeling, in my heart. I don't know which way to go. Mom will get better, she's getting stronger every day. Nam keeps sneaking plant medicine in to Mom's drinks without the doctors seeing. She says it'll speed her healing. Nam wants to teach me about plant medicine, but not to tell Mom. Mom doesn't believe in plant medicine.
Sometimes I feel like it's not over between me and Dad-- like we will meet again. Strange, right?
Uncle Dave is coming.
Abegale signing off
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